Are We There Yet?

"Are we there yet?" I asked. "Almost," replied Grandpa. Each minute felt like an hour. After all, it was our first time visiting Florida since Grandma and Grandpa had moved to Tampa from Wisconsin, and Walt Disney World was a dream come true for an 8-year old. The anticipation was killing me, but the wait made the experience that much sweeter. Everything I didn't know about Disney World was waiting for me to discover it.

In the daily events of our lives "getting there" can mean a myriad of things. For our trip in Florida, it meant entering the gates of the Magic Kingdom. In other areas of our lives, "there" might be a new job, finding your soul mate, or buying your first house—it really depends on what you intend to accomplish and how you think you'll feel once you do. But in the meantime, how do we stay present and enjoy the moment?

In his compelling book, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle writes, "The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is."

By using common logic and without getting too esoteric, we are actually already "there" in many ways since the only place we can actually (physically) experience is being "here"—the present moment. The Now. And although our powerful thoughts and imagination can take us in many directions—into the past or future—the present moment is where all of our power is.

The moment you have right now is your moment of creation. Everything else is simply your imagination. But your imagination is directly affected by the present moment, and your future is changed by the thoughts you hold. 

Think of your thoughts like a pebble. If a pebble is dropped into a pond it will start a ripple effect. So do your thoughts. In fact, the thoughts you're thinking right now affect your future experiences—they have a ripple effect. Therefore, be sure to focus on those thoughts which are in alignment with your greatest vision. Intention is everything. 

The challenge of anticipation is learning how to be happy in the present moment. Then "getting there" will simply become the next experience, not the only point of happiness.

Learn to be present. Learn to be here. The time is Now. And then when you finally "get there", you can appreciate the whole journey, not just the destination.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, best-selling author, and certified life coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find better balance in their work, relationships, and life. You can follow Michael on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at michaelsunnarborg.com

What About Abundance?

 

Last week I was coaching a client about her fears of abandonment. It felt to her that every time she became involved in a relationship, she would start recycling old fears of rejection, which would ultimately bring up her abandonment issues. Whereas the roots of her feelings of abandonment were a topic she was slowly unraveling with her therapist, she wanted to pair her therapy work with coaching advice for moving forward with her life as she continued down the path of healing.

Abandonment and rejection are both based in lack. When there is any feeling of "lack" in our experience—lack of money, time, or even love—it simply means we're choosing to believe there is not enough. Feelings of lack are the opposite of feelings of abundance. If you believe in abundance, there is always enough—enough money, enough time, enough love. Believing in abundance means you will always have all that you need regardless of how you will get it, including being loved in relationships. A fear of lack translates to, "There is not enough, They are not enough," or "I am not enough." A spirit of abundance says, "There is always enough, They are enough," and "I am enough." If someone in your life cannot give you the love you need, someone else can. There is always enough love.

For my client, the awareness of what she was focusing on could either propel her into more of the same feelings of lack, or by becoming aware of this pattern she could reframe her belief to one of "always enough." Her relationship was bringing her the opportunity to face her old beliefs and re-examine their validity. Are these fears still true? Are these beliefs helping or hurting her?

What do you want in your life—a fear-based belief that says, "There is not enough," or an abundance-based belief that says, "There is always enough?" Remember: It's always your choice.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg
Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

The Power of Focus

The shorter way to do many things
is to do only one thing at a time.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Last week I was driving in a (what I hope is our last) snowstorm. As I barreled through the windy whiteness, my complete attention was on maintaining my course and staying on the road. Several cars along the way had already slipped off the icy road and into the ditch, but I'd decided that wasn't going to be my fate—not today. I needed to stay focused, and that is what got me home.

In our busy world, we may often find it challenging to focus our attention. Since our minds have difficulty concentrating on more than one thing at a time, prioritizing what we focus on becomes increasingly important. Focus involves concentration, which comes when we have fewer distractions. We have the ability to limit our distractions by using our power of choice.

Focus is like RAM (random access memory) in a computer. The more programs that are running simultaneously, the less efficiently RAM operates. Eventually the computer’s performance becomes sluggish, or in a worst-case scenario, it crashes. Similarly, the more ideas, tasks, and responsibilities we are thinking about, the less capacity we have to stay focused. Our brain can also overload and, like the computer, “crash.”

So to help maintain our focus, we can simplify our distractions. Just like closing computer programs, we can reduce clutter by prioritizing our activities, choosing how and with whom we spend our time and energy, and by expressing our thoughts and feelings through speaking or writing. Activities such as journaling, making lists, and jotting notes throughout the day are great ways to make more space for new thoughts, increasing our creative capacity and helping us to maintain our focus.

This week, practice focus. Simplify your activities and reduce your distractions. And when you are performing a task or speaking with a friend or colleague, give them your full attention. See how learning to maintain your focus will have a powerful effect on your sense of balance. It's your choice.

To Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

Step 6: Power

Becoming aware of your power helps you
to create more balanced relationships.

John’s boss was out of touch with her power. Andrea was well-educated, socially savvy, and professionally astute, but she had fought for so many years to get to the top that she couldn’t turn off her aggressiveness. Since she wasn't aware of how to use and diffuse her power, Andrea micromanaged many of John's activities, leaving him feeling frustrated and powerless.

Finally, John learned how to regain his power in the relationship. His awareness that Andrea was out of touch with her power gave him the ability to work smarter. Even though he didn't agree with all of Andrea's ideas, he started to work with her out of compassion instead of against her out of anger. John found that if he didn't push against Andrea, he could gradually introduce ideas that would complement rather than challenge her. Over time, they were both able to achieve the results they wanted and John no longer felt overpowered.

This week, think of people in your life who are very powerful. What makes them appear powerful? Now think of people you’d consider power hungry or out of touch with their power. What makes them seem that way? Spend a week noticing how you and the people around you use power. How does power affect your relationships with others every day?

To your best balanced life!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

This is an except from 21 Steps to Better Relationships. Find the rest of the message and other steps at: 21stepstorelationships.com

Key 3: Intention

Becoming aware of your intentions helps you
focus your priorities and create desired results.

Jill wanted to make a lot of money. "Why not?" she thought. Jill had never really had a lot of money, and she believed that with the right opportunity she could use her education and skills to land a really good job. Sure enough, Jill landed a consulting job that paid more than twice as much money as she'd ever made before. The job was a road warrior position—up to 100% travel—but if that was the price to pay for making a whopping salary, then so be it. Her husband and friends would understand. What an opportunity! And yes, an opportunity it was—a chance for Jill to learn a very valuable lesson.
   
The first two months were hectic, although feasible. But by the end of six months the job was horrendous. Jill was working 65 to 70 hours a week, was only able to travel home for one day every two weeks, and was missing her husband. She had gotten a cold she just couldn’t shake. The enormous paychecks sat mostly idle in Jill’s bank accounts while she scrambled to keep up. By the time her seventh month came around, Jill was ready to quit. What had she been thinking when she took this job? The money. Was it worth her stress? Her health? Her marriage and friends? Jill had to reconsider her intentions.

Intentions take life when we speak them out loud or write them down. Take a moment this week to think of your intentions for your career and your personal life, write them down, and then share them with someone you trust. Throughout the week, notice how your attitudes, actions, and words are either helping to fulfill your intentions or moving you away from them. If needed, make necessary changes to put yourself back on track.

To your best balanced life! 

The Ambassador of Goodwill

This is an except from 21 Keys to Work/Life Balance. Find the rest of the message for this key and other keys for finding better work/life balance at: 21keystoworklifebalance.com

 

Commencement Keynote: The Power of Choice

Commencement Keynote to Globe University: September 28, 2012
Michael Thomas Sunnarborg, Ambassador of Goodwill

"Thank you for the kind introduction and thank you for inviting me to speak today. I'm very pleased to be here to join you in celebrating this wonderful occasion.

Graduates of 2012 – this celebration is for you. Congratulations!

Like you, I have also sat in the same chair—wearing my cap and gown, and trying to get my mind around such a unique and meaningful event. I remember sitting there and reflecting upon my experiences: where I’d been, what I’d accomplished, and how long I had dreamt of this moment. I also remember taking a deep breath and then exhaling into the realization that I had finally done it. The hard work and dedication had paid off, and I had earned the right to breathe again. Anyone who saw me that day could tell you it was pretty hard to wipe the smile off my face.

Graduation is, indeed, a milestone—a map tack on the journey of life—and it signifies the accomplishment of a dream. This day is, and will forever be, a significant part of your life—and something you will never forget. In fact, this accomplishment—this educational achievement—will serve you for the rest of your days… even when you don’t consciously realize it. The experience of a college education is a permanent investment in yourself.

I would also imagine that many of you are pondering the same question that was on my mind  when I was in your shoes.“Now what?” After so many days, weeks, months, and even years of reading, writing, speaking, questioning, and having those “light bulb moments”, it can suddenly be difficult to imagine what to do with all of this new "free time"... or is it? So often the events of our lives fill in the gaps, and we rarely have time to stop and appreciate the transition. In addition, the idea of not knowing where this education will take you, or how you will use it, can also be disconcerting... or it can be exciting. It’s your choice.

It was George Bernard Shaw who said, "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." So what was Shaw saying? And what did he really mean? Shaw understood the creative potential that's within each and every one of us to create our own reality, and that the power to create our lives is already within us. We only need to become aware of our power, and then put it to good use.

So as I stand here before you and speak today, I'd like to take a moment to remind you of something important—something I want you to remember as you open a new blank page and begin creating the next chapter of your life. You have something very powerful on your side. It is a gift that everyone is born with; and it is something you are using on a daily basis. This gift—when understood and used wisely—will assist you in creating whatever experience you desire.

This gift is your power of choice. Your choices have the largest impact on your life and your future. So my question to you today is: What are you choosing? And how are those choices creating your life experience?

Stop and think about it for a moment. How did you get here today? You chose it. How did you decide what clothes to wear? You chose them. And how did you finish all of your homework instead of watching American Idol or camping out on Facebook all night? You chose it.

Our lives are filled with a constant stream of choices, and our choices are always changing. Technology has given us with access to information like never before—which means an onslaught of new choices. And with this explosion of information has come the problem of “choice overload”. Luckily, our power to choose includes our ability to unplug whenever necessary; to walk away from our computer; to put down our mobile phone; to turn off the TV; to say, "No thank you, I need some quiet time.” It's your choice.

Your choices create your relationships. The gift of your time and attention has become priceless. You can lock yourself away in your home, your office, your living room, bedroom, and even within your imagination... or you can keep the doors of your mind open to the wealth of knowledge and experience of the people who already surround you. You can take the time to appreciate the value of your friends, colleagues, and families—you can listen to their stories and glean the benefit of their wisdom. You can look into their eyes, listen to the tone of their voice, and see the expressions on their faces. It's your choice.

Your choices create your personality. For example, your attitude is a choice. Is the glass half empty or half full? Is it a crisis or catharsis? There is tremendous power in perspective. Your attitude determines your altitude. By reframing your perspective, problems can be turned into opportunities—and understanding your power means knowing you can always choose again. So do you accept your choices—all of them? Do you realize the value of lessons learned? Do you allow yourself to be caught up in the minutia of emotion, or do you have the ability to "rise above it" and see your problems from a higher perspective? Once again, it's your choice.

Your actions are also choices. Newton's Law states that, "to every action there is a reaction". We are all naturally wired to be reactive—a function of the human brain designed to protect the body from harm. But it is our ability to respond to our reactions which activates our power of choice. Reacting is natural; but responding is thoughtful. Our power of choice lets us decide how to act, knowing that many times the results of our actions—though full of good intentions—do not always turn out as planned. You can either learn from your choices or you can continue to repeat the same mistakes. It's your choice.

In the same way, your words—some of your most powerful tools—have a direct and significant impact on your experience and the experience of others. Like our actions, our words can also have immediate results. Take, for instance, the word “No”—or the word, “Yes.” Whereas we may see them as opposites, they're merely words—yet they give powerful direction and feedback regarding our choices. The ability to choose our words wisely becomes more critical as we begin to realize their lasting power. Words can uplift and encourage. Words can also belittle and destroy.

In addition, knowing when to act and when to speak are also choices. Sometimes nothing is the best thing to say and often the best thing to do. It's your choice.

The power to create yourself is in always in your hands. Just as a captain commands a great ship, you are the master of your own vessel, and your choices are mapping your direction. There will be times when you are directly in alignment with your desired destination, and there will be times when you are unsure. The seas of life aren't always calm and tranquil. You will experience thunderstorms of contrast and winds of adversity, and your ship will be tested. But if you lose your way, you can always return to the guidance that's already within you. Your internal compass will always point to true north—but you must look at it.

Class of 2012—I believe in you and I believe you can make anything happen. Choose to savor the moments and memories with those around you. Choose to shine your light in world that so often feels dark and misguided. Choose to live your life to its fullest and believe that those you love, also love you. And along your journey, pay attention to your choices, learn from your mistakes, and keep applying the wisdom you gain to experience the joy and freedom that your amazing power of choice brings.

Sail onward into the world with calm confidence, and strive to make a positive and lasting difference. For this is what we are all here to do.

Remember: It's your choice.

Thank you."

New Arrival!

The Creative Workshop Central is pleased to announce the arrival of the book, 21 Steps to Better Relationships: Find More Balance with Others, at an online bookstore near you!

21 Steps... delivers 21 bite-sized portions of inspiration designed to help you find better balance in your relationships—regardless of who they are. Find links to the books and eBooks at: 21stepstorelationships.com, or at Amazon and other online retailers.

I am looking forward to hearing the stories of how 21 Steps to Better Relationships is helping YOU find more balance in your connections with others. Remember: it all starts with you. Connect with yourself; Connect with others; Connect with the world.

To Your Better Balance!

Namaste,

The Ambassador of Goodwill
 

The Value of Silence

“If you don’t know the answers, wait until you do.”

When used regularly, silence is a powerful tool. The mind, body, and spirit are designed to be active and engaged, but they also require downtime for balance and refreshment. In moments of silence, we can reconnect with ourselves and gain insight, focus, and clarity. Silence can bring us into alignment with our thoughts and feelings and help us to hear the quiet spiritual voice of our intuition.

In order to find silence, we may have to create space for solitude—simple, but not always easy. Taking time for silence is a critical step for moving into alignment. In silence, we can quiet our thoughts, acknowledge our emotions, and relax into our bodies. In other words, we calm our human doing. Whether we use meditation, prayer, or any other type of inner-focusing activity, moving into silence allows us to reconnect with our spirit—our human being.

Silence helps with problem solving and decision making. If we are unsure how to respond to a problem or situation, we can stop, find a quiet space within us, and wait for an answer. As we are waiting for answers, we can develop a calm demeanor, soften our stance, and experiment with patience. Often the answers to our most difficult questions lie in stillness. Silence reminds us to begin within.

Silence allows you to develop a deeper and
more balanced connection with yourself.

Silence is like a spiritual retreat or a healing center—a place where we can go to be alone and reconnect with ourselves. While most traditional counseling is healing for the mind and physical therapy is healing for the body, silence is healing for the spirit.

We can create a space for silence by simply unplugging from the world and turning down the noise. TVs, radios, computers, and mobile phones are powerful means for connecting with others, but the point of silence is to connect with yourself. At first it may seem like you are missing out, but unplugging for periods of time will raise your frequency—and over time, can significantly strengthen and enrich your personal connections. When we lower the volume on the outside of our lives, we raise the volume on the inside. In silence we can discover the true benefits of being still and listening to the calm rhythm within.

This week think about spending some time in silence and experience the benefits. By practicing a little bit each day, my hope is you will soon learn to appreciate the value of silence.

Namaste,

The Ambassador of Goodwill

Our Mind: Teacher, Creature, or Companion?

"It's mind over matter." "Do you mind?" "Make up your mind!" "Oh, never mind..." Just think about how frequently the "mind" enters our daily conversations. Our minds are an integral part of our three-part being: Mind, Body and Spirit. We often associate mind with our head, thought, and logic. But despite the form in which we imagine our minds to take, let's take a closer look at a few of the different roles our minds play. Do you mind...?

Our mind is an amazing and complex Teacher. It re-minds us when we’ve forgotten facts or figures and helps us through a challenging intellectual conundrum—whether it’s an academic test or the birthday of a family member. Our mind as a teacher causes us to think carefully when we need to make a decision, and uses our previous experiences as a references in order to make what we consider "sound" decisions. It keeps a record of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, giving us the gift of contrast (“been there; done that”). It sends us signals that something might be awry and we need to pay attention to it. It is the reflective and supportive adviser—helping us weigh the pros and cons from changing our internet service provider to changing our views about the importance of diet and exercise. Our mind as a teacher is with us every day, every hour, every minute, and doesn’t like to be shut off. But once in a while it will allow us to be out of it—maybe for a minute, an hour, or a day—and then when we reunite it feels like "plugging in" and booting-up to the world again. No bad; just predictable. 

Our mind is an amazing and complex Creature. It creeps around and waits for the opportunity to jump out and scare us, or sneak over and steal the cookie off our plate when we’re not looking. Our mind as a creature walks around with a mirror and tries to make us look into it so it can tease and ridicule us about our appearance, our attitudes, or our behaviors. It is the constant critic carrying around a big fat history book of every mistake we’ve ever made, said, and done—and it takes our ideas, words, and actions, twists them, misinterprets them, and uses them against us like a court of law where we are guilty until proven innocent. It has a pocket voice recorder and plays back every negative word that every person has said to us that stick like those little thorn bristles we get on our socks when we run through a dry field (damn things are always hard to pull off and they poke you—ouch!) Our mind as a creature keeps us up at night, wakes us up with a headache in the morning, and won’t stop running. And we’re tired of chasing it. Sometimes we’d rather be without it. It controls our manners when we’ve been scolded and is told to "never mind” when something has been disregarded. It makes us feel crazy and out of control. It causes us to spiral downward. It can bring us down to circling the drain.

Our mind is an amazing and complex Companion. It is there when we need to remember where we parked the car in the parking lot or re-minds us who we really are when we forget. It’s there to provide a history of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and re-minds us about our progress and how far we’ve come. Our mind as a companion plays back the recordings of anyone who’s ever thanked us, praised us, or shouted our name as we raced toward the finish line. It allows us to take a moment to pause and reflect upon a fond memory triggered by a beautiful song or the smell of fresh-baked cookies. It’s there to help us stay calm amidst a crisis or speak a kind word to a friend in need. It is our constant friend, confidant, and partner. And it always answers when we call. Our mind as a companion is there to motivate, encourage, and inspire us, and becomes the coach encouraging us to "hang in there" and just keep swimming. It reminds us that it’s okay to make mistakes, and it forgives us every time—no exception. It loves and accepts us as we are. It is our best friend and our family. It holds us when we are alone and reminds us that everything will be okay.

Question: Is your mind the Teacher, Creature, or Companion today? Depending on the situation it could be one, two, or all three... but the most important fact is that it’s your choice. We are not a product of our minds; our minds are a creation of us. And we have been given the power to choose how our minds work for and with us. When our minds are working for us in positive and supportive ways, we better connect with our bodies and spirits to bring more alignment and consistency to our lives—and that’s the key to finding more balance. Reconnect with yourself and reconnect with your power.

This week, become aware of your thoughts and remember you have the power of choice. Then choose wisely… for it is, truly, “all in your mind”.

Namaste,

The Ambassador of Goodwill

5 Relationship Myths

Relationships are an essential part of our lives. Through our relationships we learn to heal, grow, and find the reflections of our best selves in those around us. But there are also some common beliefs about relationships that get us hung up, so let's take a moment to explore a few of the biggest myths about relationships. My hope is that you will see your relationships in a new light and remember that you are, indeed, creating your life experience.

1. There is only one person for you—one love.

If this was true then you would still be with your second grade crush! This is one of the greatest myths and the one that causes so many relationships to turn bitter, ugly and sour, or in the worst case scenario keeps people together when they are miserable. 

In reality, we don’t only get “one” person, we choose the person to be with in our life when that relationship is the most loving, fulfilling, and purposeful. Life is in constant motion, and since life is constantly changing, we also change. In relationships we change individually and we also can change together—in so, we make a choice. We can continue to choose the same person over and over again, but we are not obligated to stay in any relationship that’s not adding to our growth. Healthy relationships are always based in freedom, not obligation. If your relationship is starting to crack, look at where you need to be more flexible, loving, and understanding. Communication is the key here. Listen to one another, ask for what you need, be respectful, and always keep both of your best interests in mind. Relationships are, indeed, a two-way street!

2. "I’ve had a tough life, and a relationship will help heal my wounds."

Good luck with that! While it is true that our relationships will bring up everything in our life that is unhealed or broken about us (emotionally or spiritually), you do not want to use your relationship/partner to heal you—that is something you need to do for yourself. If you rely on your partner to fix you, you’ve not taken responsibility for yourself and when our happiness relies on someone else we cannot ever be truly happy. Happiness begins within.

3. Being in a relationship is better than being alone.

Not if it’s a bad relationship! Remember: relationships are vehicles for us to connect with another like mind and spirit in order to understand more about ourselves—to explore our potential for more love. If you are using a relationship to mask loneliness (which is based in fear, not love) your relationship may allow you to temporarily forget your loneliness, but loneliness will still be there. Being in relationship with yourself and happy with yourself reduces loneliness. Also, by staying involved in a relationship that's not helping you grow you cannot attract a healthy relationship—you already have that vacancy filled. Only when you have created the space for something healthy can it step into your life.

4. In relationships, opposites attract.

Opposite personalities may attract at first, but they rarely sustain. Having a range of different qualities and interests can certainly be appealing, especially when first meeting someone, but in the long run you will need to find more common ground on which to walk together. Use your differences to teach one another more about aspects of yourself you have yet to explore, and use your relationship to mutually help each other grow. Focus on your differences as strengths, and whether you agree or not always be respectful.

5. "I’ve tried being in relationships, but I always seem to mess things up."

We will get what we intend. When looking at past relationships, examine why you went into the relationship in the first place. To fill a void in your life? Take the place of something you didn't have? Find someone to take care of? 

Entering a relationship out of "lack" will just bring more of it. Develop a relationship with yourself before going into a relationship with another. If you're already in a relationship and need to find more balance, take time out for yourself—find peace with yourself, your past, and your decisions. If you believe that you will “mess up” a relationship, your beliefs will automatically program your attitudes, actions and words into sabotage mode and, in time, the relationship will, indeed, fail—it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set your course for success! Believe that you deserve and will have positive, loving relationships.

As we enter into this fall—this time of transition—choose to create healthy and happy relationships in your life. After all, it's your choice.

Namaste,

The Ambassador of Goodwill