Our Chronic Thoughts

Thoughts are extremely powerful. In fact, our thoughts create our reality as we experience it. Much like a captain navigating the sea, our thoughts command the wheel of our ship and point us toward a destination.

I asked one of my coaching clients last week about a potential employment opportunity to which he replied, “I can't do that. I've never done that before." As we continued, I could see a pattern unfolding. His perspectives about everything in his life—his career, relationships, choices and experiences—were coming from a place of lack. He felt that his life was filled with so many things he didn't want. It was just never enough.

My next question was, “So what do you want?” To which he had a difficult time responding. Since he’d been so focused on what he didn’t want for so long, he couldn’t clarify what he wanted. He’d lost his focus. Everything he was experiencing in his life was a direct result of his chronic thought patterns.

Each of us have an emotional default setting that was formed at an early age—usually during our impressionable childhood years—by the environment and the people around us. In turn, this default became the foundation for a set of matching beliefs and the chronic patterns of thought associated with those beliefs. This is helpful if our patterns of thought are positive; but can be very challenging if they're negative. Negative belief systems create what are called limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs can be recognized by statements such as:

• "I have no choice."
• "Life is a struggle."
• "I made my decision and now I need to stick with it."
• "Things never go my way."
• "I always seem to mess things up—that’s just my nature."
• "Other people always seem so much happier than me."
• "This is just the cruel hand life’s dealt to me."

They may also take the form of questions:

• "How come I never get what I really want?"
• "Why is life so difficult?"
• "What is wrong with me?"
• "Why do bad things always happen to me?"
• "How come everyone else is succeeding while I’m failing?"
• "How can I possibly be a good friend/mother/brother/coworker when I can’t even be good to myself?"

Each of those statements and questions come from limiting beliefs. What they don't consider is often they've been created by simple observations (i.e., one experience or one observation), or have been passed down to us by others and we've chosen to believe them with limited firsthand experience.

There is another perspective that brings hope, clarity, and relief: it’s called reframing.

Reframing is the practice of recognizing that how we respond to something is just as important (and sometimes more important) than the actual event. We can choose our attitude just as easily as we choose our clothing!

Reframing includes developing a higher tolerance for ambiguity and being willing to take a new perspective without have the proof to back it up. Reframing requires trust and facilitates hope. Reframing always gives us options, especially regarding limiting beliefs:

• "I have no choice," becomes,
• "I always have choices, even if it's only my attitude."
• "Life is a struggle," becomes, 
• "Life can be challenging, but it's helping me grow."
• "I made my decision and now I have to stick with it," becomes,
• "I realize that things change, and I can always choose again." 

Can you see how this works?

This week, make the conscious choice to become aware of your limiting beliefs (catch yourself when you think or say them!) and practice reframing your perspective. You may quickly notice your energy shifting and your mood improving. Eventually, your limiting beliefs can become unlimited beliefs and you'll start navigating your ship towards new destinations. Think: The Bahamas instead of the cold Atlantic!

To Your Better Balance

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Need some inspiration? Pick up a copy of 21 Days, Steps & Keys, or one of the other books in the balance series, and start off 2015 by finding better balance in your career, relationships, and life. You can also tune into Michael's recent radio interview with Sharvette Mitchell at: bit.ly/15H2MRK (Michael starts after 31:00).

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, best-selling author, and certified life coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find better balance in their work, relationships, and life. You can follow Michael on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at michaelsunnarborg.com

Image courtesy of discovery-zone.com

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Are We There Yet?

"Are we there yet?" I asked. "Almost," replied Grandpa. Each minute felt like an hour. After all, it was our first time visiting Florida since Grandma and Grandpa had moved to Tampa from Wisconsin, and Walt Disney World was a dream come true for an 8-year old. The anticipation was killing me, but the wait made the experience that much sweeter. Everything I didn't know about Disney World was waiting for me to discover it.

In the daily events of our lives "getting there" can mean a myriad of things. For our trip in Florida, it meant entering the gates of the Magic Kingdom. In other areas of our lives, "there" might be a new job, finding your soul mate, or buying your first house—it really depends on what you intend to accomplish and how you think you'll feel once you do. But in the meantime, how do we stay present and enjoy the moment?

In his compelling book, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle writes, "The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is."

By using common logic and without getting too esoteric, we are actually already "there" in many ways since the only place we can actually (physically) experience is being "here"—the present moment. The Now. And although our powerful thoughts and imagination can take us in many directions—into the past or future—the present moment is where all of our power is.

The moment you have right now is your moment of creation. Everything else is simply your imagination. But your imagination is directly affected by the present moment, and your future is changed by the thoughts you hold. 

Think of your thoughts like a pebble. If a pebble is dropped into a pond it will start a ripple effect. So do your thoughts. In fact, the thoughts you're thinking right now affect your future experiences—they have a ripple effect. Therefore, be sure to focus on those thoughts which are in alignment with your greatest vision. Intention is everything. 

The challenge of anticipation is learning how to be happy in the present moment. Then "getting there" will simply become the next experience, not the only point of happiness.

Learn to be present. Learn to be here. The time is Now. And then when you finally "get there", you can appreciate the whole journey, not just the destination.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, best-selling author, and certified life coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find better balance in their work, relationships, and life. You can follow Michael on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at michaelsunnarborg.com

Your Mind: Teacher, Creature, or Companion?

"It's mind over matter." "Make up your mind!" "Oh, never mind..." Just think about how frequently the word "mind" enters our daily conversations. Our minds are an integral part of our three-part being: mind, body, and spirit. We often associate the mind with our head, thought, and logic. But despite the form in which we imagine our minds to take, there are some very different roles the mind can play in our daily lives:

• Teacher: The mind is a powerful and complex teacher. It re-minds us when we’ve forgotten facts or figures and helps us through a challenging problem. It causes us to stop and think when we need to make a decision, and uses our previous experiences as reference in order to make better choices. It keeps a record of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and uses memory to bring us the gift of contrast (“Been there; done that”).
  
  Our mind works with our feelings and sends us signals that something might be awry and we need to pay attention to it. It is the reflective and supportive adviser—helping us weigh the pros and cons from changing our internet service provider to changing our views about the importance of diet and exercise. It’s with us every day, every hour, every minute, and doesn’t like to be shut off. But once in a while it will allow us to be away from it... maybe for a minute or an hour... and then when we reunite it's like plugging back-in and booting up the computer. Class is back in session.
  

• Creature: The mind is a powerful and complex creature. It creeps around and waits for the opportunity to jump out and scare us, or catches us by surprise when we’re not looking. It lurks around the dark corners with a mirror and attempts to make us look into it and judge our appearance. It can be the constant critic, judge, and antagonist, carrying around a thick history book of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and then re-minds us about our mistakes and uses them against us like a court of law where we're guilty until proven innocent.
  
  Our mind has a voice recorder that plays back every negative word that every person has said to us, sticking to our fears like a sliver we can't remove. It keeps us up worrying at night, wakes us up with a headache in the morning, and never stops running. And we’re tired of the chase. Sometimes we’d rather be without it. It controls our manners when we’ve been scolded and makes us feel ashamed for who we are. It can be our worst enemy. And if we spend too much time focusing on what it is constantly saying, it can make us feel crazy and out of control.

• Companion: The mind is powerful and complex companion. It wishes us happy birthday, and re-minds us where we parked the car in the stadium parking lot. It’s there to provide a history of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and then uses our success to re-mind us about how far we’ve come. It plays back the recordings of anyone who’s ever thanked us, praised us, or shouted our name as we raced toward the finish line. It allows us to take a moment to pause and reflect upon a fond memory triggered by a beautiful song or the smell of fresh-baked cookies.
  
  Our mind is there to help us stay calm amidst a crisis, or speak a kind word to a friend in need. It’s our constant friend, confidant, and partner. And it always answers when we call. It’s there to motivate, encourage, and inspire us, and becomes the coach urging us to hang in there and just keep swimming. It reminds us that it’s okay to make mistakes, and it forgives us every time—no exception. It loves and accepts us as we are. It is our best friend and our family. It holds us when we are alone and reminds us that everything will be okay.
  
  

Question: Is your mind playing the role of teacher, creature or companion today? Depending on the situation, it could be playing the role of one, two, or all three at once. But the most important thing to remember is that it’s our choice to pay attention to what feels best. Whichever voice we focus on becomes the loudest. 

The best part is that we can control our minds. We can choose to focus on the teacher, creature, or the companion. When our minds are working for us in a positive and supportive way, we can better connect with our inner beings and bring more alignment and consistency to our lives. That’s the secret to finding better balance.

Today, become aware of your thoughts and the role of your mind, and remember you have the power of choice. Then, choose wisely what you consider your truth… for it is, truly, “all in your mind”.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.
  

Declutter Your Mind

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent.
It takes a touch of genius—and a lot of courage—to move in the opposite direction.
Albert Einstein

Whether it's due to the expansion of technology or the plethora of choices that we face each day, our ability to filter information and stay focused is a constant challenge. You have the potential to make healthy choices and balance your priorities no matter where you are on your life journey. However, change doesn't come easily—it takes courage, dedication, and commitment. Lasting change comes in small steps. Each step evolves into a new habit, and over time, healthy habits become major life changes.

When you find that your mind is becoming cluttered with too many thoughts, try a quick and easy exercise called "Brain Drain." Begin by taking out a piece of paper and pen (or start an electronic page), and set an alarm for fifteen minutes. Write down everything that is currently going on in your mind. You can write about anything—your feelings about work, what to do for Mom's birthday, how to pay off that student loan faster—whatever thoughts are swirling through your head at the moment. No rules, no requirements. When fifteen minutes are over, stop writing. Take notice of how you feel. Relieved? Less stressed?

The goal of this exercise is to "drain your brain" of the chatter that prevents you from sifting through your thoughts and feelings. The act of writing allows us to release energy onto the page instead of allowing it to occupy valuable space needed for creativity and focus (think of increasing your personal RAM). Try using Brain Drain first thing in the morning—it can help to clear your palate for the day. If you want to make some serious progress, increase your time to 30 minutes and use Brain Drain every morning for a week. Notice if your ability to focus improves as you declutter your mind. With new space released, new creative ideas can begin bubbling to the surface.

Be Balanced!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

Welcome to Awareness

 

 Let us not look back in anger, nor forward
in fear, but around in awareness. 

James Thurber

My search for better balance began while I was living in Honolulu, Hawaii, in the late 1990s. A good friend and I were making observations about how the mind, body, and spirit are connected. We discussed how our life experience reflected our state of balance—the more balanced we were, the more serenity and peace we felt.

During my years of study I found a recurring theme: Being balanced is natural. Returning to this natural state means removing the barriers to balance within us, many of them created by our own thoughts and behaviors. I knew there must be a way to break old patterns and return to a healthier balanced state. I also realized that in order to find better balance in my life I needed to first become aware of the factors that influenced my state of balance. When I started taking note of the different events, environments, and people that had the largest impact on my balance, I became empowered by the results. Sometimes the best teacher is our own experience.

This first step of Awareness started a movement within me. With this "wake up call" came a flood of new information about my patterns of thought—all of which were influencing my attitudes, actions and words. Becoming aware of these influences shifted my energy, and as a response, I began to see the world around me shifting as well.

This week I encourage you to become aware of the people, places, and experiences that have the greatest impacts on your sense of balance and happiness. Notice your feelings, follow your intuition, and pay attention to the results. Raising your awareness helps you reconnect with your natural state of balance and reminds you that the power to change your life is always in your hands.

Namaste,

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com to learn more!