The Universal Mirror

Mirror [mir-er] Noun. A reflecting surface, originally of polished metal but now usually of glass with a silvery, metallic, or amalgam backing (dictionary.com)

Mirrors are a part of our daily lives. Mirrors reflect visual data back to us, giving us more information. A plane (flat) mirror not only allows us to view what is behind us, but provides a virtual opposite of what we are perceiving before us. We have learned to accept the information from mirrors as valid and trustworthy.

Likewise, our lives are also mirrors. The energy we are putting out into the world is being reflected back to us much like a mirror. And it all starts with our thoughts.

Thoughts contain energy. We are all energetic beings emitting an energetic frequency—or a vibration—just like a radio station broadcasting music. Whatever "music" we are playing, people "hear". Meaning, whatever vibe we are emitting creates our emotional state of being. Have you ever noticed when someone is having a good day or a bad day? You might pick it up through their attitudes, actions, or words. You can feel it in their "vibe".

The response to the energy we're putting out is reflected back to us in all areas of our lives through circumstances, events, and occurrences. That is the way our energetic Universe works.

Why is this important? Because once you understand this principle, you realize that you are the creator of your experience. When you focus on things you don't want or like, you will experience more of them in response to the vibration you are offering. Conversely, if you focus on things that you do want or like, you will experience more of those things.

So what if you are experiencing an abundance of things you do not want in your life, how do you change your broadcast? According to Alfred Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” We simply cannot continue in the same chronic pattern of thought and create different results. The powerful Universe is responding to whatever we are thinking and focusing on regardless of what it is. THAT is the creative process.

To change your broadcast you need to change your mind. Every event is an opportunity—a point in time for us to make a choice. We choose how we feel about something in every moment, and we have the choice about what to believe. When we start acting in mindful, thoughtful ways, we can respond to anything with informed, intelligent, and response-able actions.

What are you creating? How are you responding to what is happening around you? Are you paying attention to what is being reflected back to you?

This week, pay attention to what you are broadcasting and what information you are receiving in response. Then try "changing your tune" and see what is reflected back to you. The mirror never lies!

To Your Better Balance,

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, best-selling author, and certified life coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find better balance in their work, relationships, and life. You can follow Michael on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at michaelsunnarborg.com

Need some inspiration? Pick up a copy of 21 Days, Steps & Keys, or one of the other books in the balance series, and start off 2015 by finding better balance in your career, relationships, and life.

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Photo courtesy of www.glassworksaiken.com

Losing Your Religion?

 

Religion. Spirituality. God. The Universe. Source Energy. Life. Death.

What does it all mean? Nobody knows. Let me repeat that. NOBODY KNOWS.

Not a single person on this planet knows what any of those things really mean. Oh, we certainly have an abundance of theories, ideas, and beliefs, but ultimately, none of us really knows the meaning behind it all.

But we spend a lifetime trying to figure it out.

Isn't that what our lives are all about: Questioning? Answering? Creating? Believing? And why is everyone so upset about our differences? Don't we all look, speak, and act differently? Isn't that the whole point of humanity? And shouldn't we believe different things? It seems that would only makes sense.

Religious and spiritual beliefs have been a topic of conflict since the beginning of time. The differences over this one topic have caused more turmoil, pain, arguments, and wars in our world than any other. In its simplest form, what we are seeing in our world is the opposite of what it is truly about: Love. What we are experiencing so often is Fear—the opposite of Love.

However, if we stop and think about it from a scientific perspective, not understanding something [because it's different from what we believe] causes a natural resistance. It is new information, and we are naturally wired to question something that is new.

Fear is a natural reaction in it's most primal form—a response by the human brain to what it cannot understand. And while feelings of Fear are automatic and natural, the response to Fear is not. Responding to Fear with anger, violence, abuse, resentment, or hatred is a chosen response—a choice—and that is what sets apart the natural from the unnatural. 

Reacting is natural; responding is thoughtful. We are human; therefore, we are response-able.

We always have choices. We choose how to respond to every situation, thought, and feeling in every moment. We can choose to respond to Fear negatively, or we can choose contemplation, compassion, and curiosity. Our choices create our reality. If you think your attitudes, actions, and words don't matter, think again. It ALL matters. We ALL matter. Everything we think, feel, say, and do matters—whether we realize it or not.

What are you choosing today, and how is that causing a ripple effect in the world around you? Which words are you using? How are you supporting what you love instead of pushing against what you don't? When we start remembering that we are all creating the world we currently live in by each word and deed, we might start taking ourselves—and our actions—more seriously.

Choose for yourself and allow others to do the same. And above all else, "Live and Let Live", for that is what we came here to do.

Namaste

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, best-selling author, and certified life coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find better balance in their work, relationships, and life. You can follow Michael on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at michaelsunnarborg.com

Need some inspiration? Pick up a copy of 21 Days, Steps & Keys, or one of the other books in the balance series, and start off 2015 by finding better balance in your career, relationships, and life.

Liked this post? Then please comment or share it with others!

Our Chronic Thoughts

Thoughts are extremely powerful. In fact, our thoughts create our reality as we experience it. Much like a captain navigating the sea, our thoughts command the wheel of our ship and point us toward a destination.

I asked one of my coaching clients last week about a potential employment opportunity to which he replied, “I can't do that. I've never done that before." As we continued, I could see a pattern unfolding. His perspectives about everything in his life—his career, relationships, choices and experiences—were coming from a place of lack. He felt that his life was filled with so many things he didn't want. It was just never enough.

My next question was, “So what do you want?” To which he had a difficult time responding. Since he’d been so focused on what he didn’t want for so long, he couldn’t clarify what he wanted. He’d lost his focus. Everything he was experiencing in his life was a direct result of his chronic thought patterns.

Each of us have an emotional default setting that was formed at an early age—usually during our impressionable childhood years—by the environment and the people around us. In turn, this default became the foundation for a set of matching beliefs and the chronic patterns of thought associated with those beliefs. This is helpful if our patterns of thought are positive; but can be very challenging if they're negative. Negative belief systems create what are called limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs can be recognized by statements such as:

• "I have no choice."
• "Life is a struggle."
• "I made my decision and now I need to stick with it."
• "Things never go my way."
• "I always seem to mess things up—that’s just my nature."
• "Other people always seem so much happier than me."
• "This is just the cruel hand life’s dealt to me."

They may also take the form of questions:

• "How come I never get what I really want?"
• "Why is life so difficult?"
• "What is wrong with me?"
• "Why do bad things always happen to me?"
• "How come everyone else is succeeding while I’m failing?"
• "How can I possibly be a good friend/mother/brother/coworker when I can’t even be good to myself?"

Each of those statements and questions come from limiting beliefs. What they don't consider is often they've been created by simple observations (i.e., one experience or one observation), or have been passed down to us by others and we've chosen to believe them with limited firsthand experience.

There is another perspective that brings hope, clarity, and relief: it’s called reframing.

Reframing is the practice of recognizing that how we respond to something is just as important (and sometimes more important) than the actual event. We can choose our attitude just as easily as we choose our clothing!

Reframing includes developing a higher tolerance for ambiguity and being willing to take a new perspective without have the proof to back it up. Reframing requires trust and facilitates hope. Reframing always gives us options, especially regarding limiting beliefs:

• "I have no choice," becomes,
• "I always have choices, even if it's only my attitude."
• "Life is a struggle," becomes, 
• "Life can be challenging, but it's helping me grow."
• "I made my decision and now I have to stick with it," becomes,
• "I realize that things change, and I can always choose again." 

Can you see how this works?

This week, make the conscious choice to become aware of your limiting beliefs (catch yourself when you think or say them!) and practice reframing your perspective. You may quickly notice your energy shifting and your mood improving. Eventually, your limiting beliefs can become unlimited beliefs and you'll start navigating your ship towards new destinations. Think: The Bahamas instead of the cold Atlantic!

To Your Better Balance

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Need some inspiration? Pick up a copy of 21 Days, Steps & Keys, or one of the other books in the balance series, and start off 2015 by finding better balance in your career, relationships, and life. You can also tune into Michael's recent radio interview with Sharvette Mitchell at: bit.ly/15H2MRK (Michael starts after 31:00).

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, best-selling author, and certified life coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find better balance in their work, relationships, and life. You can follow Michael on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at michaelsunnarborg.com

Image courtesy of discovery-zone.com

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Losing it? Get it Back

Tired? Stressed out? Lost your sense of balance? You actually haven’t lost anything. You’ve just forgotten how to access what’s already within you. "Huh?" you say. Yes, it's true, but let me give you a little more background first.
 
Last week I had the privilege to speak at Elliott Masie's Learning 2014—an annual conference held in Orlando, Florida, which brings together more than 1,700 education and learning professionals from around the world to meet, share best practices, learn from one another, and be inspired by a variety of thought leaders.

During one of my breakout sessions, the question of "How?" entered the better balance discussion. With so many competing priorities in our busy world, how do we find better balance while juggling our relationships, work, and family?
 
We don't actually "find" anything; we return to a natural state that's already within us.

Think about young children. They are often happy without reason, generally accept anyone introduced to them, and most don't have issues like adults do… well, not yet. Their world of experience is small and they are easily in alignment with their natural internal happiness—something many of us "big kids" have easily forgotten—well, until we go on vacation, attend a really good concert, or experience a pocket of joy outside of our normal routine.

But, seriously, wouldn't it feel better to experience that "happy state" more often? I have good news for you. We can.

Remember: We are naturally born in a state of equilibrium, but as we age and become distracted by the fears of the world we begin to stray from our innate sense of well-being. With that in mind, we can return to better balance by removing the barriers and blockages within us, many of them created by our own thoughts and behaviors. We can start feeling the "happy state" without taking a cruise to Jamaica (although that does sound appealing during the Minnesota winter...)

In my writing and coaching I introduce a three-step process: 1) Awareness; 2) Alignment; and 3) Activation, to help jump-start the process of returning to better balance:

1) Awareness. Your powerful consciousness is absorbing and processing everything in your environment—sights, sounds, and smells—whether you realize it or not. In order to find better balance in your life, you must first become aware of the factors that influence your balance. Some themes include: Thoughts, Feelings, Intuition, Fear, Communication, Power, and Choice.

2) Alignment. Alignment happens both on the inside and outside of you. Internally, this means that you strive to be conscious of your thoughts, feelings, and intuition so that your behaviors reflect your true values. Externally, this means that over time, you bring your attitudes, actions, and words closer to your fundamental beliefs. Some themes include: Relationships, Truth, Intention, Purpose, Trust, Listening, and Appreciation.

3) Activation. Activation puts theory into practice and thoughts into motion. Without activation, good ideas are only ideas. Activation is the key to implementation and the third step to finding better balance. Some themes include: Focus, Softening Your Stance, Boundaries, Perspective, Living Your Passion, Gratitude, and Managing the Leader Within.

So the next time you'd like to conjure up the feelings of "vacation freedom", then I encourage you to start applying the steps to your life. You can even allow me to walk you through the steps, answer questions, and complete a few short exercises in my book, 21 Days, Steps & Keys... or any of the individual books. 

I believe that through deliberate effort, you can begin to return to that natural sense of balance in your work, relationships, and life. It's your choice.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, best-selling author, and certified life coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find better balance in their work, relationships, and life. You can follow Michael on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at michaelsunnarborg.com

Your Big But

In the 1985 movie Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, Simone is telling Pee Wee Herman about her dreams of living in Paris. She finishes her story with, “…but, ” and then tells him that Andy, her controlling boyfriend, will never let her go. Pee Wee responds with the classic line, “Everyone I know has a big but.” Pee Wee makes a good point.
 
I was reminded of this recently during a coaching session. My client and I were working on aligning him towards his ideal job, and throughout the conversation he kept saying, “…but I don’t think I can do (this) or (that),” or, “...but they probably won’t hire me because…” As our session progressed, I watched his but get bigger and bigger. As his doubts increased, so did his but.

So what's up with the big but? Why the doubt? And where do our big buts come from?

First, let’s look to science. In his book, The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, Dr. Christopher Germer states, “We have evolved for survival, not happiness, and thus have a natural tendency to focus on the negative.” Considering that our brains are naturally hardwired for problem-solving, sticking our but into everything comes naturally. Just call it pragmatic contingency planning. All fine and dandy until your but gets too big—then it just slows you down. When doubt and pessimism become your default setting, you end up dragging your but wherever you go.

Why We But In:
•    Protecting a belief system (covering your but)
•    Avoiding disappointment (saving your but)
•    Fear of re-occurrence (but it happened before…)
•    Bad habits (unaware we're being a but head)

So how do you lose your but? You don’t. However, you can reduce your but size.

Tips on Butting Out:
•    Eliminate doubt by trusting the process
•    Release the need to control outcomes
•    Change your default setting to optimistic
•    Do what you can, and then it let go

Finally, pay attention to feedback from others. Try having a friend or coworker call you out on your but. And the next time you’re feeling doubt you can ask them, “Does my but look big to you? Really, you can tell me. I trust you.”

To Your Better Balance!



Michael Thomas Sunnarborg
 
Find better balance in your work, relationships, and life. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com to learn more. And look for the new trilogy book, 21 Days, Steps & Keys launching November 1, 2014. Get all three books in one!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, author, and life coach, who helps people reclaim their power of choice to find better balance and happiness in their work, relationships, and life. You can reach him at michael@sunnarborg.com

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Your Mind: Teacher, Creature, or Companion?

"It's mind over matter." "Make up your mind!" "Oh, never mind..." Just think about how frequently the word "mind" enters our daily conversations. Our minds are an integral part of our three-part being: mind, body, and spirit. We often associate the mind with our head, thought, and logic. But despite the form in which we imagine our minds to take, there are some very different roles the mind can play in our daily lives:

• Teacher: The mind is a powerful and complex teacher. It re-minds us when we’ve forgotten facts or figures and helps us through a challenging problem. It causes us to stop and think when we need to make a decision, and uses our previous experiences as reference in order to make better choices. It keeps a record of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and uses memory to bring us the gift of contrast (“Been there; done that”).
  
  Our mind works with our feelings and sends us signals that something might be awry and we need to pay attention to it. It is the reflective and supportive adviser—helping us weigh the pros and cons from changing our internet service provider to changing our views about the importance of diet and exercise. It’s with us every day, every hour, every minute, and doesn’t like to be shut off. But once in a while it will allow us to be away from it... maybe for a minute or an hour... and then when we reunite it's like plugging back-in and booting up the computer. Class is back in session.
  

• Creature: The mind is a powerful and complex creature. It creeps around and waits for the opportunity to jump out and scare us, or catches us by surprise when we’re not looking. It lurks around the dark corners with a mirror and attempts to make us look into it and judge our appearance. It can be the constant critic, judge, and antagonist, carrying around a thick history book of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and then re-minds us about our mistakes and uses them against us like a court of law where we're guilty until proven innocent.
  
  Our mind has a voice recorder that plays back every negative word that every person has said to us, sticking to our fears like a sliver we can't remove. It keeps us up worrying at night, wakes us up with a headache in the morning, and never stops running. And we’re tired of the chase. Sometimes we’d rather be without it. It controls our manners when we’ve been scolded and makes us feel ashamed for who we are. It can be our worst enemy. And if we spend too much time focusing on what it is constantly saying, it can make us feel crazy and out of control.

• Companion: The mind is powerful and complex companion. It wishes us happy birthday, and re-minds us where we parked the car in the stadium parking lot. It’s there to provide a history of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and then uses our success to re-mind us about how far we’ve come. It plays back the recordings of anyone who’s ever thanked us, praised us, or shouted our name as we raced toward the finish line. It allows us to take a moment to pause and reflect upon a fond memory triggered by a beautiful song or the smell of fresh-baked cookies.
  
  Our mind is there to help us stay calm amidst a crisis, or speak a kind word to a friend in need. It’s our constant friend, confidant, and partner. And it always answers when we call. It’s there to motivate, encourage, and inspire us, and becomes the coach urging us to hang in there and just keep swimming. It reminds us that it’s okay to make mistakes, and it forgives us every time—no exception. It loves and accepts us as we are. It is our best friend and our family. It holds us when we are alone and reminds us that everything will be okay.
  
  

Question: Is your mind playing the role of teacher, creature or companion today? Depending on the situation, it could be playing the role of one, two, or all three at once. But the most important thing to remember is that it’s our choice to pay attention to what feels best. Whichever voice we focus on becomes the loudest. 

The best part is that we can control our minds. We can choose to focus on the teacher, creature, or the companion. When our minds are working for us in a positive and supportive way, we can better connect with our inner beings and bring more alignment and consistency to our lives. That’s the secret to finding better balance.

Today, become aware of your thoughts and the role of your mind, and remember you have the power of choice. Then, choose wisely what you consider your truth… for it is, truly, “all in your mind”.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.
  

What's Really Happening

 

The other day I was asked, "Since you write books about balance, you must be happy and balanced all the time, right?" I paused and replied, "You'd think so, wouldn't you?" The person looked bewildered. I continued, "Let me just say this: we all have good days and "not as good" days. I just focus on appreciating the good days, and then try my hardest to pay attention and learn about what the not-so-good days are teaching me. In the long run, that feels more natural—more balanced."

That, in its essence, is what I consider "What's really happening". We are all going about our lives day-to-day and navigating through the sea of life with its waves, lulls, and uncharted waters. We all have good days—we all have challenging ones. Sometimes we're right on course; sometimes we're headed for an iceberg. Other times we just need to take our eyes of the map for a moment and allow the winds of change to point us in a new direction. Either way, the voyage continues.

Is life perfect? Absolutely not. But it's from the "is not" that comes the "is"... those wonderful moments of clarity, meaning, and true happiness. Those are the moments to focus on and remember when you're having a bad day, keeping in mind that whatever we pay attention to expands.

What are some ways in which you help yourself to maintain better balance? What is helping you on those challenging days?

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

5 Relationship Myths

If you were all alone in the universe with no one to 
talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars,
 to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life?

It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning.


Mitsugi Saotome

Relationships are an essential part of our lives. Through our relationships we learn to grow and discover the reflections of our best selves in those around us. But there are also some common beliefs about relationships that get us hung up, so let's take a moment to explore a few of the biggest myths about relationships.

1. There is Only One Person for You

If this was true then you would still be dating your second grade crush! This is one of the greatest myths and the one that causes so many relationships to turn bitter and sour, and in the worst case scenario, it keeps people together when they are miserable. 

We don’t get only “one” person, we get to choose who remains a part of our life when that relationship is the most loving, fulfilling, and purposeful. Life is in constant motion, and since life is constantly changing, so are we. In relationships, we change individually and we also change together—or we don't. We can continue to choose the same person over and over again, but we are not obligated to stay in any relationship that’s not adding to our growth. Healthy relationships are always based in freedom, not obligation. If your relationship is starting to crack, look at where you need to be more flexible, loving, and understanding. Communication is key. Listen to one another, ask for what you need, be respectful, and always keep both of your best interests in mind. Relationships are, indeed, a two-way street!

2. "I’ve had a tough life, and a relationship will help heal my wounds."

While it is true that your relationships will bring up everything in your life that is unhealed or broken (emotionally or spiritually), you do not want to use your relationship/partner to heal you—that is something you need to do for yourself. If you rely on your partner to fix you, you’ve not taken responsibility for yourself—and when we rely on someone else for our happiness, we cannot ever be truly happy. Happiness always begins within you.

3. Being in a Relationship is Better Than Being Alone

Not if it’s a bad relationship! Remember: relationships are opportunities for us to connect with like minds and spirits in order to understand ourselves and explore our potential to create a larger experience. If you are using a relationship to mask loneliness (which is based in fear, not love) your relationship may allow you to temporarily forget your loneliness, but loneliness will still be there. Being in a healthy relationship with yourself reduces loneliness. Also, by staying involved in a relationship that's not helping you grow you cannot attract a healthy relationship that will—you already have that vacancy filled! Only when you have created the space for something healthy can it step into your life.

4. In Relationships, Opposites Attract

Personalities with opposing attributes may attract at first (simply due to the variety and contrast they bring), but rarely sustain. Having a range of different qualities and interests can certainly be appealing—especially when first meeting someone—but in the long run you will need to find more common ground on which to walk together. Use your differences to teach one another about aspects of yourself you have yet to explore, and use your relationship to mutually help each other grow. Focus on your differences as strengths, and whether you agree or not, always be respectful.

5. "I’ve tried being in a relationship, but I always seem to mess things up."

You will get what you intend. When looking at past relationships, examine why you went into the relationship in the first place. To fill a void in your life? Take the place of something you didn't have? Find someone to take care of?

Entering a relationship out of "lack" will just bring more of it. Start by developing a healthy relationship with yourself before going into a relationship with another. If you're already in a relationship and need to find more balance, take time out for yourself—find peace with yourself, your past, and your decisions. If you believe that you will “mess up” a relationship, your beliefs will fuel your attitudes, actions, and words, and direct you into sabotage mode. In time, the relationship will, indeed, fail—it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set your course for success! Believe that you deserve and will have positive, loving relationships.

As we enter into the summer of 2014, choose to create healthy and happy relationships in all areas your life and watch the results. After all, it's your choice.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg


Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.
 

Power of Choice

 It is not our abilities that show
who we truly are, it is our choices.
Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter
J. K. Rowling

One of our biggest gifts is the ability to choose. In every moment we choose what to give our attention, focus, and energy—and most importantly, our responses to what is happening around us. The outcomes of our choices, in turn, create our reality. Our choices stem from our thoughts and feelings—and as Neale Donald Walsch states in his brilliant book series, Conversations with God, "Feelings are the language of the soul."

Stop and think for a moment about the connections:

• Feelings create thoughts;
• Thoughts create words;
• Words create actions;
• Actions create character;
• Character creates our life path.

 

If we are, indeed, choosing in every moment, think about what life path you are creating? Is it a story of joy, fun, and adventure, or is it a tedious tale of anger, stress, and disappointment? The power of choice allows us to create the reality we truly wish to create, regardless of what is happening around us.
 
Here’s a simple 3-step process to help you consciously activate your power of choice and begin to create a reality for yourself that contains what you truly desire:

1. Decide. Think about what you really want and begin to make choices that are in-line with those desires. Many people are on autopilot and not taking time to decide what they really want. If you continue to accept your life events "by default" then stop complaining when things consistently don't turn out the way you intended. You need to decide what brings you true joy and happiness, and then focus only on those things.

2. Declare. Start writing and talking about what you'd like and what you want to create—tell your friends and family members. Just like fire, intentions spread and grow when you start talking about them. Stating your intentions kick-starts the process of creation and gives you the momentum and passion to achieve what you want.

3. Demonstrate. I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "Fake it 'til you make it"? This action is part of becoming and moving into your reality as you create it. Demonstrating your intention by acting as if you already have what it is that you truly want puts you in line with receiving it—by thinking the thoughts of what you want, you will start feeling them, speaking them, acting them, and eventually your intentions must appear in your reality. That is the creative process.

Also, an important follow-up and a key step during the creative process is to remember to be grateful for what you already have. Gratitude is a vital part of completing the circle of creation. Be thankful and appreciate whatever it is that you do receive, for every gift is a step towards your next creation.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

What About Abundance?

 

Last week I was coaching a client about her fears of abandonment. It felt to her that every time she became involved in a relationship, she would start recycling old fears of rejection, which would ultimately bring up her abandonment issues. Whereas the roots of her feelings of abandonment were a topic she was slowly unraveling with her therapist, she wanted to pair her therapy work with coaching advice for moving forward with her life as she continued down the path of healing.

Abandonment and rejection are both based in lack. When there is any feeling of "lack" in our experience—lack of money, time, or even love—it simply means we're choosing to believe there is not enough. Feelings of lack are the opposite of feelings of abundance. If you believe in abundance, there is always enough—enough money, enough time, enough love. Believing in abundance means you will always have all that you need regardless of how you will get it, including being loved in relationships. A fear of lack translates to, "There is not enough, They are not enough," or "I am not enough." A spirit of abundance says, "There is always enough, They are enough," and "I am enough." If someone in your life cannot give you the love you need, someone else can. There is always enough love.

For my client, the awareness of what she was focusing on could either propel her into more of the same feelings of lack, or by becoming aware of this pattern she could reframe her belief to one of "always enough." Her relationship was bringing her the opportunity to face her old beliefs and re-examine their validity. Are these fears still true? Are these beliefs helping or hurting her?

What do you want in your life—a fear-based belief that says, "There is not enough," or an abundance-based belief that says, "There is always enough?" Remember: It's always your choice.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg
Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

The Power of Focus

The shorter way to do many things
is to do only one thing at a time.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Last week I was driving in a (what I hope is our last) snowstorm. As I barreled through the windy whiteness, my complete attention was on maintaining my course and staying on the road. Several cars along the way had already slipped off the icy road and into the ditch, but I'd decided that wasn't going to be my fate—not today. I needed to stay focused, and that is what got me home.

In our busy world, we may often find it challenging to focus our attention. Since our minds have difficulty concentrating on more than one thing at a time, prioritizing what we focus on becomes increasingly important. Focus involves concentration, which comes when we have fewer distractions. We have the ability to limit our distractions by using our power of choice.

Focus is like RAM (random access memory) in a computer. The more programs that are running simultaneously, the less efficiently RAM operates. Eventually the computer’s performance becomes sluggish, or in a worst-case scenario, it crashes. Similarly, the more ideas, tasks, and responsibilities we are thinking about, the less capacity we have to stay focused. Our brain can also overload and, like the computer, “crash.”

So to help maintain our focus, we can simplify our distractions. Just like closing computer programs, we can reduce clutter by prioritizing our activities, choosing how and with whom we spend our time and energy, and by expressing our thoughts and feelings through speaking or writing. Activities such as journaling, making lists, and jotting notes throughout the day are great ways to make more space for new thoughts, increasing our creative capacity and helping us to maintain our focus.

This week, practice focus. Simplify your activities and reduce your distractions. And when you are performing a task or speaking with a friend or colleague, give them your full attention. See how learning to maintain your focus will have a powerful effect on your sense of balance. It's your choice.

To Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

Welcome to Awareness

 

 Let us not look back in anger, nor forward
in fear, but around in awareness. 

James Thurber

My search for better balance began while I was living in Honolulu, Hawaii, in the late 1990s. A good friend and I were making observations about how the mind, body, and spirit are connected. We discussed how our life experience reflected our state of balance—the more balanced we were, the more serenity and peace we felt.

During my years of study I found a recurring theme: Being balanced is natural. Returning to this natural state means removing the barriers to balance within us, many of them created by our own thoughts and behaviors. I knew there must be a way to break old patterns and return to a healthier balanced state. I also realized that in order to find better balance in my life I needed to first become aware of the factors that influenced my state of balance. When I started taking note of the different events, environments, and people that had the largest impact on my balance, I became empowered by the results. Sometimes the best teacher is our own experience.

This first step of Awareness started a movement within me. With this "wake up call" came a flood of new information about my patterns of thought—all of which were influencing my attitudes, actions and words. Becoming aware of these influences shifted my energy, and as a response, I began to see the world around me shifting as well.

This week I encourage you to become aware of the people, places, and experiences that have the greatest impacts on your sense of balance and happiness. Notice your feelings, follow your intuition, and pay attention to the results. Raising your awareness helps you reconnect with your natural state of balance and reminds you that the power to change your life is always in your hands.

Namaste,

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com to learn more!

Step 20: Go With the Flow

 

 Choosing to change allows you
to accept the world outside of you.

Doug was laid off from a company where he'd been working for over ten years. Although the news was a shock to him, his first thought was how he was going to tell his fiancé. Doug and Amy had been saving their money for the past two years so they could get married. But now he wasn't sure of anything. He felt like the whole world had stopped. He couldn't imagine what he was going to do next.

That evening, Doug and Amy sat down to discuss the situation. While Amy listened, Doug expressed his anger and disappointment about losing his job, and his fear about what was going to happen next. Amy shared a different perspective with him. "Do you realize this is an opportunity for something new?" she said. Over the next few days Doug realized he did, indeed, have many options. He decided to take things step by step and look at this change as a positive opportunity for new direction and growth. In time, Doug was able to find a new job that he loved which paid more than his last job. He learned that change can, indeed, be something to appreciate and not to fear.

Where are you resisting change? How would it be different if you accepted it, or even encouraged or facilitated it? This week, try changing something about your routine that you have been resisting. Notice how the new relationship with yourself affects your relationships with others.

To your best balanced life!

The Ambassador of Goodwill

This is an except from 21 Keys to Work/Life Balance. Find the rest of the message for this key and other keys for finding better work/life balance at: 21keystoworklifebalance.com

Key 3: Intention

Becoming aware of your intentions helps you
focus your priorities and create desired results.

Jill wanted to make a lot of money. "Why not?" she thought. Jill had never really had a lot of money, and she believed that with the right opportunity she could use her education and skills to land a really good job. Sure enough, Jill landed a consulting job that paid more than twice as much money as she'd ever made before. The job was a road warrior position—up to 100% travel—but if that was the price to pay for making a whopping salary, then so be it. Her husband and friends would understand. What an opportunity! And yes, an opportunity it was—a chance for Jill to learn a very valuable lesson.
   
The first two months were hectic, although feasible. But by the end of six months the job was horrendous. Jill was working 65 to 70 hours a week, was only able to travel home for one day every two weeks, and was missing her husband. She had gotten a cold she just couldn’t shake. The enormous paychecks sat mostly idle in Jill’s bank accounts while she scrambled to keep up. By the time her seventh month came around, Jill was ready to quit. What had she been thinking when she took this job? The money. Was it worth her stress? Her health? Her marriage and friends? Jill had to reconsider her intentions.

Intentions take life when we speak them out loud or write them down. Take a moment this week to think of your intentions for your career and your personal life, write them down, and then share them with someone you trust. Throughout the week, notice how your attitudes, actions, and words are either helping to fulfill your intentions or moving you away from them. If needed, make necessary changes to put yourself back on track.

To your best balanced life! 

The Ambassador of Goodwill

This is an except from 21 Keys to Work/Life Balance. Find the rest of the message for this key and other keys for finding better work/life balance at: 21keystoworklifebalance.com

 

Key 2: Choice

 Being aware of the choices you make gives you
the freedom to create your own experience.

Each new year, Tim would promise to start a new exercise routine but could not keep the motivation to follow through with it. But this year he decided he was going to stick with it. To help him stay motivated, Tim took the advice of a co-worker and hired a personal trainer to help him get started. After the first two weeks, Tim had a workout routine personally tailored to his body type and fitness goals.

After the first month, Tim found his personalized fitness plan was key to his motivation. But Tim also began to notice something else—he started making other healthy choices. As his body began to adjust to the physical exercise, he started craving healthier foods. Because he was eating healthier foods, Tim's weight began to shift. His attitude improved and his stress level was decreasing. As a result of his better mood, work started to flow with a new ease and Tim's relationships started to improve, especially with his wife. Tim had never realized how many aspects of his life were connected to his physical health and well-being. Tim quickly realized that one healthy choice can lead to so many more.

Take a moment this week to prioritize two important things: tasks and people. Take a short inventory of your tasks and ask yourself: Which tasks do I need to spend more time on? Where should I reduce my time? Now take inventory of your relationships: Whom do I need to spend more time with? From whom do I need to detach or take a step back? Add these decisions to your calendar or to-do list for the coming week.

To your best balanced life! 

The Ambassador of Goodwill

Find more tips for better work/life balance at: 21keystoworklifebalance.com

Commencement Keynote: The Power of Choice

Commencement Keynote to Globe University: September 28, 2012
Michael Thomas Sunnarborg, Ambassador of Goodwill

"Thank you for the kind introduction and thank you for inviting me to speak today. I'm very pleased to be here to join you in celebrating this wonderful occasion.

Graduates of 2012 – this celebration is for you. Congratulations!

Like you, I have also sat in the same chair—wearing my cap and gown, and trying to get my mind around such a unique and meaningful event. I remember sitting there and reflecting upon my experiences: where I’d been, what I’d accomplished, and how long I had dreamt of this moment. I also remember taking a deep breath and then exhaling into the realization that I had finally done it. The hard work and dedication had paid off, and I had earned the right to breathe again. Anyone who saw me that day could tell you it was pretty hard to wipe the smile off my face.

Graduation is, indeed, a milestone—a map tack on the journey of life—and it signifies the accomplishment of a dream. This day is, and will forever be, a significant part of your life—and something you will never forget. In fact, this accomplishment—this educational achievement—will serve you for the rest of your days… even when you don’t consciously realize it. The experience of a college education is a permanent investment in yourself.

I would also imagine that many of you are pondering the same question that was on my mind  when I was in your shoes.“Now what?” After so many days, weeks, months, and even years of reading, writing, speaking, questioning, and having those “light bulb moments”, it can suddenly be difficult to imagine what to do with all of this new "free time"... or is it? So often the events of our lives fill in the gaps, and we rarely have time to stop and appreciate the transition. In addition, the idea of not knowing where this education will take you, or how you will use it, can also be disconcerting... or it can be exciting. It’s your choice.

It was George Bernard Shaw who said, "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." So what was Shaw saying? And what did he really mean? Shaw understood the creative potential that's within each and every one of us to create our own reality, and that the power to create our lives is already within us. We only need to become aware of our power, and then put it to good use.

So as I stand here before you and speak today, I'd like to take a moment to remind you of something important—something I want you to remember as you open a new blank page and begin creating the next chapter of your life. You have something very powerful on your side. It is a gift that everyone is born with; and it is something you are using on a daily basis. This gift—when understood and used wisely—will assist you in creating whatever experience you desire.

This gift is your power of choice. Your choices have the largest impact on your life and your future. So my question to you today is: What are you choosing? And how are those choices creating your life experience?

Stop and think about it for a moment. How did you get here today? You chose it. How did you decide what clothes to wear? You chose them. And how did you finish all of your homework instead of watching American Idol or camping out on Facebook all night? You chose it.

Our lives are filled with a constant stream of choices, and our choices are always changing. Technology has given us with access to information like never before—which means an onslaught of new choices. And with this explosion of information has come the problem of “choice overload”. Luckily, our power to choose includes our ability to unplug whenever necessary; to walk away from our computer; to put down our mobile phone; to turn off the TV; to say, "No thank you, I need some quiet time.” It's your choice.

Your choices create your relationships. The gift of your time and attention has become priceless. You can lock yourself away in your home, your office, your living room, bedroom, and even within your imagination... or you can keep the doors of your mind open to the wealth of knowledge and experience of the people who already surround you. You can take the time to appreciate the value of your friends, colleagues, and families—you can listen to their stories and glean the benefit of their wisdom. You can look into their eyes, listen to the tone of their voice, and see the expressions on their faces. It's your choice.

Your choices create your personality. For example, your attitude is a choice. Is the glass half empty or half full? Is it a crisis or catharsis? There is tremendous power in perspective. Your attitude determines your altitude. By reframing your perspective, problems can be turned into opportunities—and understanding your power means knowing you can always choose again. So do you accept your choices—all of them? Do you realize the value of lessons learned? Do you allow yourself to be caught up in the minutia of emotion, or do you have the ability to "rise above it" and see your problems from a higher perspective? Once again, it's your choice.

Your actions are also choices. Newton's Law states that, "to every action there is a reaction". We are all naturally wired to be reactive—a function of the human brain designed to protect the body from harm. But it is our ability to respond to our reactions which activates our power of choice. Reacting is natural; but responding is thoughtful. Our power of choice lets us decide how to act, knowing that many times the results of our actions—though full of good intentions—do not always turn out as planned. You can either learn from your choices or you can continue to repeat the same mistakes. It's your choice.

In the same way, your words—some of your most powerful tools—have a direct and significant impact on your experience and the experience of others. Like our actions, our words can also have immediate results. Take, for instance, the word “No”—or the word, “Yes.” Whereas we may see them as opposites, they're merely words—yet they give powerful direction and feedback regarding our choices. The ability to choose our words wisely becomes more critical as we begin to realize their lasting power. Words can uplift and encourage. Words can also belittle and destroy.

In addition, knowing when to act and when to speak are also choices. Sometimes nothing is the best thing to say and often the best thing to do. It's your choice.

The power to create yourself is in always in your hands. Just as a captain commands a great ship, you are the master of your own vessel, and your choices are mapping your direction. There will be times when you are directly in alignment with your desired destination, and there will be times when you are unsure. The seas of life aren't always calm and tranquil. You will experience thunderstorms of contrast and winds of adversity, and your ship will be tested. But if you lose your way, you can always return to the guidance that's already within you. Your internal compass will always point to true north—but you must look at it.

Class of 2012—I believe in you and I believe you can make anything happen. Choose to savor the moments and memories with those around you. Choose to shine your light in world that so often feels dark and misguided. Choose to live your life to its fullest and believe that those you love, also love you. And along your journey, pay attention to your choices, learn from your mistakes, and keep applying the wisdom you gain to experience the joy and freedom that your amazing power of choice brings.

Sail onward into the world with calm confidence, and strive to make a positive and lasting difference. For this is what we are all here to do.

Remember: It's your choice.

Thank you."