The Nudge

 We are not human beings on a spiritual journey.
We are spiritual beings on a human journey.
Stephen R. Covey

Ever get a "nudge" to do or say something? 

Something I learned early-on in my writing and coaching work was to give my thoughts, feelings, and intuition a voice—a way to better understand the language of my mind, body, and spirit. We all perceive information through our senses and this information is being filtered and translated into our thoughts, feelings, and intuition. We can use our words to describe how we're thinking or feeling, but how do those internal voices work?
 
Usually the loudest voice—our Mind—is busy analyzing information and making conclusions. Simultaneously, our Body is translating all the visual, audio, and tactile stimuli of our busy world and giving us feedback through the voice our feelings. Logic and emotion—the constant balance between head and heart. But while our minds and bodies are "doing", our Spirits are just "being". In fact, our Spiritual energy is working with the power of our intentions—consciously and subconsciously—and the voice of Spirit is always coming from a place that knows what we really want, versus what our minds and bodies think we want. I equate intuition as a "gut feeling", or sensation in the pit of my stomach.

Since Spirit is the eternal part of our tri-part being, the quiet voice of our Spirit gives us little nudges and hints throughout the day. This nudge may come to us as, “I should hold this door open for that person,” or “I can spare some change for the woman ahead of me in line.” Sometimes it's even just a smile to a passing stranger. Spirit never asks from us more than we can give at a given moment. Spirit knows us and our boundaries. In fact, our Spirit lets us exercise our healthy boundaries and create new ones, while our Mind may have us thinking in old patterns or behavior and repeating the same mistakes. Been there, done that!

By paying attention to those little nudges throughout the day, you can get closer to hearing your natural intuition. In fact, if you get quiet and really listen, you will start to hear the calm rhythm within. And once you start accessing the energy of your Spirit, you can bring your thoughts and feelings into better alignment with intuition, and activate that knowledge to create better balance in your life—awareness, alignment, activation: the balance formula is complete.

How can you be quiet and listen to the intuitive voice within you this week?

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Need some inspiration? Pick up a copy of 21 Days, Steps & Keys, or one of the other books in the balance series, and start off 2015 by finding better balance in your career, relationships, and life. You can also tune into Michael's recent radio interview with Sharvette Mitchell at: bit.ly/15H2MRK (Michael starts after 31:00).

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg is an educator, best-selling author, and certified life coach. His passion is to help people reclaim their power of choice and find better balance in their work, relationships, and life. You can follow Michael on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at michaelsunnarborg.com 

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Free Book, Anyone?

To celebrate the upcoming release of: 21 Days, Steps & Keys: The Complete Book Series to Better Balance, I am giving away 5 personally-signed copies on Goodreads. The giveaway starts runs from October 10-November 10, 2014, so be sure to click the link below and register today to win your copy!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

21 Days, Steps & Keys

by Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Giveaway ends November 10, 2014.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Your Mind: Teacher, Creature, or Companion?

"It's mind over matter." "Make up your mind!" "Oh, never mind..." Just think about how frequently the word "mind" enters our daily conversations. Our minds are an integral part of our three-part being: mind, body, and spirit. We often associate the mind with our head, thought, and logic. But despite the form in which we imagine our minds to take, there are some very different roles the mind can play in our daily lives:

• Teacher: The mind is a powerful and complex teacher. It re-minds us when we’ve forgotten facts or figures and helps us through a challenging problem. It causes us to stop and think when we need to make a decision, and uses our previous experiences as reference in order to make better choices. It keeps a record of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and uses memory to bring us the gift of contrast (“Been there; done that”).
  
  Our mind works with our feelings and sends us signals that something might be awry and we need to pay attention to it. It is the reflective and supportive adviser—helping us weigh the pros and cons from changing our internet service provider to changing our views about the importance of diet and exercise. It’s with us every day, every hour, every minute, and doesn’t like to be shut off. But once in a while it will allow us to be away from it... maybe for a minute or an hour... and then when we reunite it's like plugging back-in and booting up the computer. Class is back in session.
  

• Creature: The mind is a powerful and complex creature. It creeps around and waits for the opportunity to jump out and scare us, or catches us by surprise when we’re not looking. It lurks around the dark corners with a mirror and attempts to make us look into it and judge our appearance. It can be the constant critic, judge, and antagonist, carrying around a thick history book of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and then re-minds us about our mistakes and uses them against us like a court of law where we're guilty until proven innocent.
  
  Our mind has a voice recorder that plays back every negative word that every person has said to us, sticking to our fears like a sliver we can't remove. It keeps us up worrying at night, wakes us up with a headache in the morning, and never stops running. And we’re tired of the chase. Sometimes we’d rather be without it. It controls our manners when we’ve been scolded and makes us feel ashamed for who we are. It can be our worst enemy. And if we spend too much time focusing on what it is constantly saying, it can make us feel crazy and out of control.

• Companion: The mind is powerful and complex companion. It wishes us happy birthday, and re-minds us where we parked the car in the stadium parking lot. It’s there to provide a history of everything we’ve ever thought, said, and done, and then uses our success to re-mind us about how far we’ve come. It plays back the recordings of anyone who’s ever thanked us, praised us, or shouted our name as we raced toward the finish line. It allows us to take a moment to pause and reflect upon a fond memory triggered by a beautiful song or the smell of fresh-baked cookies.
  
  Our mind is there to help us stay calm amidst a crisis, or speak a kind word to a friend in need. It’s our constant friend, confidant, and partner. And it always answers when we call. It’s there to motivate, encourage, and inspire us, and becomes the coach urging us to hang in there and just keep swimming. It reminds us that it’s okay to make mistakes, and it forgives us every time—no exception. It loves and accepts us as we are. It is our best friend and our family. It holds us when we are alone and reminds us that everything will be okay.
  
  

Question: Is your mind playing the role of teacher, creature or companion today? Depending on the situation, it could be playing the role of one, two, or all three at once. But the most important thing to remember is that it’s our choice to pay attention to what feels best. Whichever voice we focus on becomes the loudest. 

The best part is that we can control our minds. We can choose to focus on the teacher, creature, or the companion. When our minds are working for us in a positive and supportive way, we can better connect with our inner beings and bring more alignment and consistency to our lives. That’s the secret to finding better balance.

Today, become aware of your thoughts and the role of your mind, and remember you have the power of choice. Then, choose wisely what you consider your truth… for it is, truly, “all in your mind”.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.
  

5 Relationship Myths

If you were all alone in the universe with no one to 
talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars,
 to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life?

It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning.


Mitsugi Saotome

Relationships are an essential part of our lives. Through our relationships we learn to grow and discover the reflections of our best selves in those around us. But there are also some common beliefs about relationships that get us hung up, so let's take a moment to explore a few of the biggest myths about relationships.

1. There is Only One Person for You

If this was true then you would still be dating your second grade crush! This is one of the greatest myths and the one that causes so many relationships to turn bitter and sour, and in the worst case scenario, it keeps people together when they are miserable. 

We don’t get only “one” person, we get to choose who remains a part of our life when that relationship is the most loving, fulfilling, and purposeful. Life is in constant motion, and since life is constantly changing, so are we. In relationships, we change individually and we also change together—or we don't. We can continue to choose the same person over and over again, but we are not obligated to stay in any relationship that’s not adding to our growth. Healthy relationships are always based in freedom, not obligation. If your relationship is starting to crack, look at where you need to be more flexible, loving, and understanding. Communication is key. Listen to one another, ask for what you need, be respectful, and always keep both of your best interests in mind. Relationships are, indeed, a two-way street!

2. "I’ve had a tough life, and a relationship will help heal my wounds."

While it is true that your relationships will bring up everything in your life that is unhealed or broken (emotionally or spiritually), you do not want to use your relationship/partner to heal you—that is something you need to do for yourself. If you rely on your partner to fix you, you’ve not taken responsibility for yourself—and when we rely on someone else for our happiness, we cannot ever be truly happy. Happiness always begins within you.

3. Being in a Relationship is Better Than Being Alone

Not if it’s a bad relationship! Remember: relationships are opportunities for us to connect with like minds and spirits in order to understand ourselves and explore our potential to create a larger experience. If you are using a relationship to mask loneliness (which is based in fear, not love) your relationship may allow you to temporarily forget your loneliness, but loneliness will still be there. Being in a healthy relationship with yourself reduces loneliness. Also, by staying involved in a relationship that's not helping you grow you cannot attract a healthy relationship that will—you already have that vacancy filled! Only when you have created the space for something healthy can it step into your life.

4. In Relationships, Opposites Attract

Personalities with opposing attributes may attract at first (simply due to the variety and contrast they bring), but rarely sustain. Having a range of different qualities and interests can certainly be appealing—especially when first meeting someone—but in the long run you will need to find more common ground on which to walk together. Use your differences to teach one another about aspects of yourself you have yet to explore, and use your relationship to mutually help each other grow. Focus on your differences as strengths, and whether you agree or not, always be respectful.

5. "I’ve tried being in a relationship, but I always seem to mess things up."

You will get what you intend. When looking at past relationships, examine why you went into the relationship in the first place. To fill a void in your life? Take the place of something you didn't have? Find someone to take care of?

Entering a relationship out of "lack" will just bring more of it. Start by developing a healthy relationship with yourself before going into a relationship with another. If you're already in a relationship and need to find more balance, take time out for yourself—find peace with yourself, your past, and your decisions. If you believe that you will “mess up” a relationship, your beliefs will fuel your attitudes, actions, and words, and direct you into sabotage mode. In time, the relationship will, indeed, fail—it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set your course for success! Believe that you deserve and will have positive, loving relationships.

As we enter into the summer of 2014, choose to create healthy and happy relationships in all areas your life and watch the results. After all, it's your choice.

To Your Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg


Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.
 

Spring Cleaning Your Life

As we do each season, my friend Shawn and I were reflecting last week on the change into Spring. Even though Minnesota just had a late winter blast of 8 inches of snow on Friday (oi!), the temperature has since shot back up and the snow is finally melting. On behalf of the rest of Minnesota, can I just say, "Whew!"

As hearty Minnesotans and others from the Midwestern states begin emerging from their caves of winter hibernation, Spring cleaning begins. Not only is Spring a time to clean the house, the garage, and rid those old dusty closets and of their clutter, but Spring is also a good time to clean-up your personal life and reduce the emotional "clutter".

"Emotional clutter?" you ask. Yep. Just like old clothes and unused shoes, old unresolved feelings of anger, jealousy, pain, or any other emotions can linger around, collect dust, and take up valuable space in our lives. Stale thoughts and worn out beliefs can weigh us down and impede our ability to make healthy decisions

"Okay okay," you say. "I'm starting to follow your analogy. But how do I 'Spring clean' my life?" Start by thinking two simple things:

1) What is working. Whatever is "working" in your life are those aspects (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, relationships) that are serving you—they are in alignment with who you are. Actions and changes made in these areas will have powerful effects on your well-being

2) What is not working. Whatever aspects are "not working" in your life are giving you information about where to place your focus and make changes, or clean it up.

Regardless of the time of year, is it time to Spring clean areas of your life? I think you'll find that with focus, patience, and courage, Spring cleaning can be a time of powerful change resulting in feelings of relief, happiness, joy, contentment, and better balance. It's your choice!

To Better Balance,

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

Nourish Your Spirit

We need silence to be able to touch souls. 
Mother Theresa

Each of us is a tri-part being comprised of a mind, body, and spirit. The voice of our mind is our thoughts; our bodies gives us feedback in the form of feelings; and our intuition is the language of our spirit—our connection to God, Source Energy, Creator, the Universe, or whichever name you use to describe the power that connects us all. With practice we can become aware of our thoughts and feelings, but our intuition is quiet and often difficult to hear. Getting in touch with our intuition can be achieved by using silence to create a space for our intuitive voice to be heard.

Silence is like a spiritual retreat or a healing center—a place where we can go to be alone and reconnect with ourselves. While traditional counseling is healing for the mind and physical therapy is healing for the body, silence is healing for the spirit.

You can create a space for silence by simply unplugging from the world and turning down the noise. Technology provides us with powerful means for connecting with others, but the point of silence is to connect with yourself. At first it may seem like you are missing out, but unplugging for periods of time will raise your frequency—and over time, can significantly strengthen and enrich your personal connections. When we lower the volume on the outside of our lives, we raise the volume on the inside. In silence we can discover the true benefits of being still and listening to the calm rhythm within.

This week, spend some time in silence and notice the benefits. Silence can be achieved by doing something as simple as taking a walk by yourself after lunch, or by just closing your eyes for 5 minutes during an afternoon break. By practicing a little bit of silence each day, you can learn to appreciate the value of stillness; and taking time to nourish your spirit will always bring more balance to your mind and body.

To Better Balance!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com and learn more.

The Nudge

 We are not human beings on a spiritual journey.
We are spiritual beings on a human journey.
Stephen R. Covey

Something I learned early-on in my healing work was to give my thoughts, feelings, and intuition a "voice"—a way for me to better understand my mind, body, and spirit. We all have the ability to perceive information via our senses, and information is constantly being filtered and transmitted through our thoughts, feelings, and intuition. Often, we put words to our thoughts and feelings and experience them as a voice within. But what do we hear?
 
Usually the loudest voice—our Mind—is busy analyzing information and making conclusions. Simultaneously, our Body is translating all the visual, audio, and tactile stimuli of our busy world and giving us feedback through the voice our feelings. Logic and emotion—the constant balance between head and heart. But while our minds and bodies are "doing", our spirits are just "being". In fact, our Spirit is working with the power of our intentions—consciously and subconsciously—and the voice of Spirit is always coming from a place that knows what we really want, versus what our minds and bodies think we want.

The quiet voice of Spirit gives us little nudges and leaves us with that “tingly” feeling in the pit of our stomach. The nudge may come in forms such as, “I should hold this door open for that next person,” or “I can spare some change for the woman ahead of me in line at the store.” Spirit never asks from us more than we can give at a given moment. Spirit knows our boundaries. In fact, Spirit lets us exercise our healthy boundaries and create new ones, while our Mind may have us thinking in old patterns or behavior and repeating the same mistakes. Been there, done that!

So if you pay attention to those nudges, you will get closer to tapping your natural intuition. In fact, if you get quiet and really listen, you will start to hear the calm rhythm within. And once you start accessing your Spirit, you can bring your thoughts and feelings into better alignment with intuition, and activate that knowledge to create better balance in your life—awareness, alignment, activation: the balance formula is complete.

How can you be quiet and listen to the intuitive voice within you this week?

Be Balanced!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com to learn more.

The Key is Activation

 
The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao-tzu

Last week we celebrated the new year. Did you make any resolutions for 2014? Part of finding better balance in life comes from creating intentions—and those new year's resolutions are based in our intentions. So why do we often find it so difficult to follow through? Because we are attempting to activate an intention without properly preparing ourselves. Actions without full awareness and alignment are simply good ideas.

Need some help with activation? Try my simple 3-step formula:

1) Awareness brings your attention to the critical factors affecting your balance;
2) Alignment helps focus your energy internally and externally; and
3) Activation puts theory into practice and ideas into motion. Activation is the key to implementation and a critical step to finding better balance.

As you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and intuition, you'll be able to take action on them, knowing that the internal nudge is coming from your deeper purpose and authentic self. Learning to connect with yourself is learning how to "begin within".

Focusing on activation helps us make changes in our lives and reminds us that manifesting our truest purpose and our dreams both depend on our ability to take action.

Happy New Year!

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com to learn more.
 

Healthy Holidays!

 

Speaking from someone who loves to celebrate, this time of year can be most exciting. The holiday season gives us opportunities to be thankful, giving, and ring in another new year. With all of these reasons to act in exceptional ways, this time of year can also cause many of us to lose our sense of equilibrium. Stress, expectations, and "waiting until the last minute" to get something done can push us out of alignment and affect our natural sense of balance.

As the holiday season is moving into full swing, here are some quick tips to help us maintain better balance in our mind, body and spirit while we celebrate this exciting time of year:

• Get plenty of rest. The holidays always include extra activities and will take more energy than usual, so getting adequate amounts of rest will let us join in the fun!
• Drink lots of water and other fluids (including hot teas). This will keep us properly hydrated and less prone to holiday germs.
• Eat healthy foods high in vitamins and minerals. Most of us will eat some holiday treats (candy, chocolate, etc.), but be sure to keep it balanced with healthy portions of proteins, fruits and vegetables. Too much sugar will spike our energy and can cause headaches and fatigue.
• Help stop the spread of holiday colds and illness. By covering our mouths when we sneeze or cough, and washing our hands often we lessen the spread of germs. Carry extra tissues with you if your nose is runny or throat lozenges if you have a cough.
• Get plenty of exercise. Even a short walk in the mornings or evenings will help keep our blood moving. Exercise and stretching helps improve circulation and promotes faster healing!
• Take time to spend with people. Visiting with our family and friends during our holiday time off and taking the time to reconnect with those we love strengthens our relationships, boosts our immune system and reconnects us back to ourselves.
• Unplug a little! Take time off from the busy hustle and bustle: Turn off the ringer on your phone and let calls go to voice mail; take a few days off from Facebook & Twitter—the world won't end without your updated status; don't read email for a couple days; turn off the TV and pop in a classic holiday movie—unplug from the world and plug back into a good book, the people, the music, and the nature around you. It's all there waiting for your attention!  

May this holiday season allow you time to relax, refresh and "recharge" your batteries, and provide you with the opportunity to connect to the natural balance within you.

Namaste,

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Bring in the new year by returning to better balance. Need a bit of motivation? Pick up a copy of 21DaystoBetterBalance or another book in the series, and start finding better balance with yourself, your relationships, or your career in 2014!

Moving Into Alignment

 If you are attuned to your inner guidance,
there is no way you can become severely out
of balance with your natural environment.
Shakti Gawain

Have you noticed know how some days just feel better than others? How about how some people seem to emit better "vibes" than others? Our feelings are feeding us information, and feelings of balance can be most easily experienced through our feelings of alignment. After exploring Awareness, Alignment is the second part of finding better balance in your life.

Alignment happens both on the inside and outside of us. Alignment means that our thoughts, beliefs, and intentions are aligned with our deepest truth and best understanding of our purpose in the world. Internally, this means that we strive to be conscious of our thoughts, feelings, and intuition so that our behaviors reflect our true values. Externally, this means that over time, we bring our attitudes, actions, and words closer and closer to our fundamental beliefs. Alignment also comes through our relationships with others. As we move in and out of alignment with our deepest selves, our relationships directly reflect our present state of balance—relationships are mirrors.

This week, think about someone in your life who challenges you—a friend, family member, co-worker, boss—someone who is driving you crazy, or someone with whom you just don’t get along. Now put that person in your mind’s eye, and begin to think of something—anything—that you genuinely appreciate about them. Even if it takes a while, come up with a list of at least three things. There’s buried treasure in there somewhere! Focus on those things the next time you speak with that person, and notice how this simple act of unspoken appreciation brings them into better alignment with you.

This second step of moving into alignment helped me reconnect with my natural state of balance and reminded me that whether it's my own sense of equilibrium or the alignment I feel with others, the power to change my life is always in my hands.

Namaste,

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Find better balance in your life, relationships, and work. 
Visit 21daystobetterbalance.com to learn more! 

Key 4: Frequency

 

Awareness of your frequency and the frequencies of others
moves you to monitor and adjust frequency as needed.

Holly is naturally social, wittily clever, and charming. In her last job, she had been on a team of like-minded project managers, and they had all grown accustomed to joking around with each other throughout the work day. Holly had recently moved to a new city and accepted a job as a project manager with a new company. During her first week, she realized that most members of her new project team—especially her team leader—were very serious and professional in their interactions.

At first, Holly was disappointed. With her new team presenting such a contrasting vibe, she felt like she couldn't be herself. Then Holly realized that by gently adjusting her frequency, could learn to mesh with this new team. She started watching her words more carefully and became more conscious of her professionalism in the office. It felt strange at first, but after she got over her disappointment, it wasn't so bad. After her second week, several of Holly's teammates invited her to a happy hour. It was there she could relax and be more fun and playful with them, finding the right balance for her natural energy.

This week, pay attention to the frequencies around you. What does it feel like when someone’s frequency is similar to yours? What happens when someone’s frequency is not like yours? How do you adjust to people’s different frequencies? Write an example in your journal this week about how the frequency of someone else played an important role in contributing your sense of balance or lack of balance.

To your best balanced life! 

The Ambassador of Goodwill

This is an except from 21 Keys to Work/Life Balance. Find the rest of the message for this key and other keys for finding better work/life balance at: 21keystoworklifebalance.com

One Bite

A recent study from Cox Media Group found that 89 percent of Americans view their work and life balance as a significant problem. Whether it's due to the expansion of technology or the plethora of choices that we face each day, our ability to filter information and stay focused is a constant challenge. The speed of our world is accelerating at an exponential rate and it doesn't appear that it will slow down any time soon. It's no wonder that it becomes more and more difficult to balance priorities between family, friends, and personal obligations while supporting our careers!

You have the potential to make healthy choices and balance your priorities no matter where you are on your life journey. However, change doesn't come easily—it takes courage, dedication, and commitment. Lasting change comes in small steps. Each step evolves into a new habit, and over time, healthy habits become major life changes. By seeking to understand yourself better, learning to focus your energy, and practicing new healthy habits, you can find a better balance of your work and life.

This week, write down one thing you’d like to stop doing and one thing you’d like to start doing to help bring better balance between your work and home life. For example, I will stop checking my email every ten minutes, and, I will start taking a 30-minute walk each day. Put this list where you can see it—on your laptop, iPad, desktop, or sticky note in your car—and make a commitment to changing only those two things this week.
 
Embrace change like enjoying your favorite food—one bite at a time.

The Ambassador of Goodwill

Look for the 21 Keys to Work/Life Balance book launch May 15, 2013 at Amazon.com and 21keystoworklifebalance.com
 

Key 1: The Balance Myth

The following is an excerpt from Chapter 1 of 21 Keys to Work/Life Balance.

Is there really such a thing as work/life balance? Many say it's a myth. Balance implies harmony or equilibrium among opposing elements. Imagine what this looks like on a scale—work and life are not only separated, but at opposite ends of the spectrum. In this way, the idea of “work/life balance” supports the idea that work and life are separated. This myth of separation is supported by our environments. Since most people leave their home to go to work each day, the differences between work and home environments shift our energy and force us to refocus.

Now consider a different picture. Visualize your life as a circle with work as one of many different circles contained within it. All of our thoughts, feelings, and actions are constantly flowing in and out of these circles—now work and life are not opposing elements but rather work is one element in a much larger “life.” Work is a part of life. The two elements are integrated. The answer to finding better work/life balance is to find the right blend between all our life activities—regardless of where and when they occur.

A true balance between work and life
comes with knowing that your life
activities are integrated, not separated.

 

 

Look for 21 Keys to Work/Life Balance coming May 15, 2013!

 

Namaste,

 

The Ambassador of Goodwill

  

Win a Copy of 21 Keys!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

21 Keys to Work/Life Balance

by Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Giveaway ends May 15, 2013.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Work/Life Balance? Help is on the Way!

Coming May 15, 2013

21keystoworklifebalance.com

Soften Your Stance

Excerpt from 21 Steps to Better Relationships, Step 19: Soften Your Stance

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex,
and more violent. It takes a touch of genius—and a lot
 of courage—to move in the opposite direction.
Albert Einstein

We are all gifted with powerful thoughts, feelings, and intuition. Taking time to listen to our intuition and choose responses to our thoughts and feelings wisely will increase our chances of experiencing harmonious interactions. To soften your stance is to step back from your natural impulse to speak or act with power and force and either choose a gentler response or none at all. Sometimes nothing is the best thing to say and often the best thing to do.

When we soften our stance, we become aware of the impact we have on those around us and learn to respond in appropriate and effective ways. Even when we are very passionate about something—which can create more intensity and enthusiasm—we can consciously choose to pause, breathe, and think before speaking or acting. By calming ourselves and resting in our perspective, we can choose how to respond to our thoughts and feelings with calm confidence.

Our interactions with others provide the best opportunities for us to learn about ourselves. Through observation and feedback, we can learn how to soften our stance and pay attention to our approach. We can learn to discern between impulse and intuition, see the bigger picture, and consider our options before our actions.

Soften your stance to give yourself and others more room to connect fully.

Heidi is a well-respected and powerful senior manager of a Fortune 500 corporation. She has risen to the top of every team she’s managed and is known to speak her mind when action is needed. Since she is a natural problem solver, people come to Heidi for solutions. Over the years, however, Heidi began to feel overwhelmed, and her relationships with co-workers and supervisors became difficult and stressed.

When Heidi learned she could soften her stance, she had a personal epiphany. Her natural inclination was to be vocal and outspoken, but she realized that she didn’t always need to share her thinking. Heidi realized she could pick and choose where and when to focus her energy. When she committed to not doing and saying her first impulse, others around her were able to step up. Within a month, Heidi's blood pressure went down, her happiness went up, and her relationships improved. Heidi discovered a new type of personal power.

Questions:

·       In which areas of your relationships could you benefit from learning to soften your stance?

·       In what ways might softening your stance change your connections with others?

Call to Action: Get More Flies With Honey

Tired of pushing your pitch? Remember that we learn the most by sharing ideas through collaboration rather than collision. This week, pay attention to the next time you’re asked to take action or you’re trying to get your point across. Pause, think, and try softening your stance. Notice how it shifts your energy and the energy between you and others.

Find links to the books and eBooks of "21 Steps to Better Relationships" beginning August 15, 2012, at 21stepstorelationships.com

Namaste,

The Ambassador of Goodwill
  

Enact Love

Here is another excerpt from my forthcoming book, 21 Steps to Better Relationships, set for release August, 15, 2012. Find it at 21stepstorelationships.com. Enjoy!

Step 21: Enact Love

To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act
is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.
Mahatma Gandhi

Love in action is the highest form of love. If you’ve heard the phrase “Actions speak louder than words,” then you know the important role that action takes. Thinking loving thoughts is a great start; feeling love in your heart is even better; speaking and acting out of love is as good as it gets.

Love in action takes many forms. The gift of your time and attention is love in action. Showing your interest is love in action. Listening with an understanding heart is love in action. Telling someone how much they mean to you is love in action. Standing by someone when times are tough is love in action. When you demonstrate love in action, you seek the best in all situations; you encourage and support others unconditionally.

Love in action provides mutual benefits—both the giver and receiver benefit by the joy that love produces. When we act from love, we reconnect with the love in ourselves, and this keeps our frequency in alignment with a state of peace and joy. When love comes first, actions will follow.

Activation of the love within you creates loving attitudes, actions, and words.

One year at the Special Olympics, nine contestants assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with the goal to run the race, finish, and win. All, that is, except one boy who stumbled a couple of times, fell, and began to cry. The other eight runners heard the boy cry, slowed down, and paused. Then they all turned around and went back—every one of them. One girl with Down Syndrome bent down, kissed him on the head, and said, “This will make it better.” Then two of them helped him up, all nine linked arms, and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood and cheered for ten minutes.

Questions:

·    How are you thinking, acting, and speaking in loving ways in your relationships?

·    What might be some ways you can increase loving thoughts, actions, and words to bring more balance and harmony in your relationships?

Call to Action: Act Up

Take time this week to send someone you love a card, email, or text message, or pick up the phone and tell them how important they are to you. If you’re comfortable telling them you love them, then go ahead. Otherwise, think loving thoughts and speak loving words—choose words that uplift and encourage. Feel how much love is a part of your relationships and the important role it plays in keeping those connections strong.

Namaste,

The Ambassador of Goodwill