Relationships are an essential part of our lives. Through our relationships we learn to heal, grow, and find the reflections of our best selves in those around us. But there are also some common beliefs about relationships that get us hung up, so let's take a moment to explore a few of the biggest myths about relationships. My hope is that you will see your relationships in a new light and remember that you are, indeed, creating your life experience.
1. There is only one person for you—one love.
If this was true then you would still be with your second grade crush! This is one of the greatest myths and the one that causes so many relationships to turn bitter, ugly and sour, or in the worst case scenario keeps people together when they are miserable.
In reality, we don’t only get “one” person, we choose the person to be with in our life when that relationship is the most loving, fulfilling, and purposeful. Life is in constant motion, and since life is constantly changing, we also change. In relationships we change individually and we also can change together—in so, we make a choice. We can continue to choose the same person over and over again, but we are not obligated to stay in any relationship that’s not adding to our growth. Healthy relationships are always based in freedom, not obligation. If your relationship is starting to crack, look at where you need to be more flexible, loving, and understanding. Communication is the key here. Listen to one another, ask for what you need, be respectful, and always keep both of your best interests in mind. Relationships are, indeed, a two-way street!
2. "I’ve had a tough life, and a relationship will help heal my wounds."
Good luck with that! While it is true that our relationships will bring up everything in our life that is unhealed or broken about us (emotionally or spiritually), you do not want to use your relationship/partner to heal you—that is something you need to do for yourself. If you rely on your partner to fix you, you’ve not taken responsibility for yourself and when our happiness relies on someone else we cannot ever be truly happy. Happiness begins within.
3. Being in a relationship is better than being alone.
Not if it’s a bad relationship! Remember: relationships are vehicles for us to connect with another like mind and spirit in order to understand more about ourselves—to explore our potential for more love. If you are using a relationship to mask loneliness (which is based in fear, not love) your relationship may allow you to temporarily forget your loneliness, but loneliness will still be there. Being in relationship with yourself and happy with yourself reduces loneliness. Also, by staying involved in a relationship that's not helping you grow you cannot attract a healthy relationship—you already have that vacancy filled. Only when you have created the space for something healthy can it step into your life.
4. In relationships, opposites attract.
Opposite personalities may attract at first, but they rarely sustain. Having a range of different qualities and interests can certainly be appealing, especially when first meeting someone, but in the long run you will need to find more common ground on which to walk together. Use your differences to teach one another more about aspects of yourself you have yet to explore, and use your relationship to mutually help each other grow. Focus on your differences as strengths, and whether you agree or not always be respectful.
5. "I’ve tried being in relationships, but I always seem to mess things up."
We will get what we intend. When looking at past relationships, examine why you went into the relationship in the first place. To fill a void in your life? Take the place of something you didn't have? Find someone to take care of?
Entering a relationship out of "lack" will just bring more of it. Develop a relationship with yourself before going into a relationship with another. If you're already in a relationship and need to find more balance, take time out for yourself—find peace with yourself, your past, and your decisions. If you believe that you will “mess up” a relationship, your beliefs will automatically program your attitudes, actions and words into sabotage mode and, in time, the relationship will, indeed, fail—it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set your course for success! Believe that you deserve and will have positive, loving relationships.
As we enter into this fall—this time of transition—choose to create healthy and happy relationships in your life. After all, it's your choice.
The Ambassador of Goodwill